So you’ve got to the stage in your relationship where you see a long-term future together. The only problem with this rose-scented path you envisage unwinding before the pair of you is quite a big one. She doesn’t share your vision. If anything she’s already making contingency plans to take a different turning when you get to the first set of crossroads. What can you do?
Short-term or not?
Firstly, you need to consider if this state of affairs is temporary. There could be very good reasons why she is scared to commit to anything serious and this might not necessarily be something she feels so strongly about the more she gets to know you. Cold feet can be a classic symptom that she has been hurt in the past. No matter how strongly you feel about her and how indignant you might be that she should feel the same way, what if she suffered a terrible experience in a past relationship? Perhaps she was two-timed for one of her best friends? What if she was jilted at the altar, or at least sometime during a previously intense relationship?
The only way you’ll ever get to the bottom of something that might be preventing her from committing to the same extent as you is to communicate about this. Share you feelings; listen to her concerns. By allowing her to unburden herself to you, you’ll develop the sense of trust that might go some way towards her feeling less unwilling to surrender herself again.
Your past?
There is always the possibility she knows something about you that you didn’t think was an issue, but she most certainly does. With the advent of social media, few individuals can foster secrets. She could well have eavesdropped on some online chat that casts you in an unfavourable light. Guys might think that being seen as a lothario is a boost for their image. If the girl you’re thinking of spending the rest of your life with is party to shady rumours about hearts being broken in your past, no wonder she’ll be less likely to embrace a long-term future. Again, you need to demonstrate that whatever it is that is preventing her from committing is something you can work through with total honesty.
No remedies?
What you may well have to accept is that if your girlfriend is unwilling to commit at the moment, then she never will. It might seem a tough one to take, but it could be that your best option is to let her go. Unless you can get to the bottom of what is making a relationship so one-sided, it will always be imbalanced. It would be far better to cut your losses and go out searching for some stability in your love life.