How to Maintain a Passionate Relationship

Benaughty blog
How to Maintain a Passionate Relationship

We all know the story. A boy meets a girl; they fall in love, settle down. Maybe pop out a few kids. And then never have sex again.

Desire is a delicate animal with no exact science behind it. It is a highly individualized cocktail of pheromones, visual input, mental attraction and a little bit of Love Potion #9. And unfortunately for those in a committed relationship, it is widely accepted that desire wanes over time.

But never fear. A new study indicates that there is a beautiful and simple way to cultivate desire in a committed relationship. And it doesn’t require investing money in expensive lingerie, elaborate displays of affection or trying out awkward new positions (ouch, my back!). What it does require is genuine investing in your partner.

The study, released in The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, points to partner responsiveness as increasing desire between couples in a long-term relationship. Partner responsiveness is a psychological term referring to an authentic display of emotional connectivity that says what any good Hallmark card does: I care about you and your wellbeing. It is conveyed by listening, responding in a caring, attentive manner, and a body language that expresses interest.

Gurit E. Birnbaum, co-author of “Intimately Connected: The Importance of Partner Responsiveness for Experiencing Sexual Desire”, said of the study: “Our research shows that partners who are responsive to each other outside the bedroom can maintain their sexual desire.”

This isn’t a rocket science people. The authors are suggesting that emotional intimacy begets physical intimacy. And, as you may suspect, while influential on both genders, responsiveness has the most significant influence on increasing desire in women.

The authors embarked on the study to explore the commonly accepted concept, the “intimacy-desire paradox.” This translates to the idea that the more and more intimate a couple becomes, driven by desire itself, the closeness of intimacy dampens the levels of desire, which is fueled by novelty and excitement.

“Intimately Connected” followed 100 couples who, for six weeks, documented daily levels of desire along with the current levels of responsiveness they sensed from their partners. The results of the study suggest that the “intimacy-desire paradox” may not even exist at all, thanks to the effects of responsive partners. Which is great news for couples everywhere.

So guys, the next time you want to complain about a dry spell, instead take some time to dig in your heels and really connect with your woman. Give us your time, attention and understanding, and perhaps we’ll give you the attention you’ve been craving in the bedroom.