How to Become a Flirt-Expert

Benaughty blog
How to Become a Flirt-Expert

The subtle art of flirtation may seem like a difficult code to crack, especially if up until now your attempts at flirting have been met with rejection.

And it may seem easy to turn to formulaic pick-up strategies, but lose the lines guys. Authenticity and confidence are all a girl wants. But knowing how to approach a girl and engage her in conversation can certainly up your chances of sparking her interest in getting to know the authentic you.

First of all, ascertain that the setting is appropriate for flirtation. Social gatherings like weddings or parties are rife with opportunity to connect with potential partners. Bars are unquestioningly appropriate. Dating apps? Of course, that is the whole point! Flirt on the plane if your seat neighbor is cute. Flirting at work can be fun and innocent, but it’s best saved for after-hours.

Before the approach, break out the two most useful tools in your toolbox: smile and make eye contact. Every. Single. Time. Don’t skip this step. Eye contact and a smile immediate convey confidence and interest, and that’s half the battle.

  • It is reasonable to open with a compliment about something other than her visual attraction, like praising her choice of drink, reading or a skill you witnessed. Or bond over a shared experience: commenting about the bride’s Uncle Andy’s efforts at karaoke. Deploy the compliments about her looks only after gaining her attention, not initially.
  • Go heavy on the questions and light on talking about yourself. Listen to her responses with full attention, drawing verbal conclusions and asking further questions to convey interest.
  • Keep blatant sexuality out of it the conversation; don’t be gross or perverted. Give her a long time to warm up to you before going down this road.
  • Talk about something meaningful. Give a good idea of who you are and what you stand for, but keep anger and intensity out of it. Unless you find the conversation heading in that direction anyway, don’t talk about past relationships or a recent bad breakup. Find a happy medium between “how’s it going?” and launching a passionate tirade bashing of a political figure.
  • Don’t try to fulfill any self-imposed expectations. Like, don’t try to be suave and sexy that isn’t really “you”. Don’t try to crack jokes if humor isn’t your thing. Own who you are and be authentic. Authenticity is far sexier than “trying.”
  • Notice what her body language is telling you about her response. It is a great indication of interest or rejection. Smiling, leaning in, positioning body towards yours, eye contact: all good things. On the other hand, if she is turning her body away, looking around, giving aloof answers to questions- best to jump ship.
  • If you determine from her response that you are in, break out the big guns and lightly touch her arm. Backed up by research, this little move can liken the success of gaining a phone number.
  • It’s essential to remember that not everybody is going to respond to you for a multitude of reasons. So keep your chin up and don’t let rejection deter you from trying again. The more you practice, the better you get, and you are bound to find someone you click with one of these days.