Just like any other skill, either you are born with having the ability to be assertive or you’re not. For those of us who were not born with this particular trait, you have to work on improving and owning it. Oh, it isn’t something that you should feel ashamed about, of course. Some people simply do not feel confident in themselves or they don’t think they deserve to want the things that they do.
Here are six ways you can present yourself with a more assertive manner and get your spot in the sun.
Start off small.
Although you may want to go all out and demand everything at once, sadly things don’t work out that way and you’re going to have to take it slow. Just like everything else, you want to start by making small requests, like asking people to pick up after themselves or asking that someone not talk over you. You may find this difficult at first, but you’ll quickly learn how to speak up and demand these small things with ease.
Get comfortable with saying “no”.
Being assertive means going after what you want, but it also not doing the things that you don’t want to do as well. It’s important to say no to people every now and again because you can’t be everything for everyone and still have time for yourself. It’s okay to tell them that you cannot do this or that regardless if you have the time or not.
Don’t feel guilty.
If you don’t feel like doing something, you can just say so. You shouldn’t feel guilty about saying no to someone when they ask you to do something, simply because you aren’t used to saying no. If you want to stay home and catch up on your favorite book, go for it. You don’t have to be on the go for other people all the time.
Express your feelings.
You should always make a point to express how you feel around people. You can’t assume that people are able to read your mind and know what you want from them. It’s up to you to clue them in on what you want and, more importantly, need from them.
Study up on what it means to be assertive.
When we think about being assertive, a lot of people assume it means being pushing and demanding. This isn’t always the truth. In fact, it is quite possible to be assertive without being too demanding. You should also be well versed on how to prepare for particular situations and learning how to quell those knee-jerk reactions.
Speak directly.
When you talk to others openly and honestly, they will respect you so much more than if you beat around the bush. Assertive people use tact when they are telling people what they want done and because these people have respect for you, they will be more willing to comply with your demands. Remember, it’s all about the delivery and your mannerisms when you are assertive.