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Its called always about them

# 1  6/15/13 11:35 AM

Posts: 4
Nativeagle This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Woman, 29
United States
Paso Robles
Naughty newbie

First guy I got close to proposed to me. Then cheated on me numerous times with wife and ****-girlfriend. I say wife cuz they were seperated and he didn't want to finalize the papers. The "wife" finalized the the divorce after she was proposed to. Hence, he wasn't that seriously wanting a marraige and with numerous lies to me...in the end "Its always been about me" This is after me spending nearly 8 grand; for him, his **** (4 plus), moving across the country...all for him! Oh did I even mention...the ****-girlfriend had a **** when we were together! HIS ****!

Recently, the guy I got close to....how to say this...He says he likes me. I try to get more information out of him because he doesn't talk anything about him and what he really likes about me. Then my **** pass away and he doesn't contact me for any sympathy. When I really needed a guy friend, he wasn't there. Yet, a week later he starts calling me his girlfriend to his sister's ****. I said to him "Do you really want a relationship" He said yes. February he tells me that he has "no sparks" with me. Yet St Patties went up to the naci condo and fd me like a **** star would. Afterwards, doesn't contact me and adventually says in a text that he doesn't love me. Basically breaking up in a text. Cant even **** back the iou in person, his sister had to do that. I do blame those drugs that makes him not want to have **** with me on a regular basis and doesn't care to talk to me like a friend, kind of drugs.

Its called finding boys that lie, manipulators, drugs, cheaters, a boy that doesn't know they have a good women that is good for them! Im was everything for them and they treated me so horrible. Its like why should I really trust guys? If you don't like me, tell me. If you don't love me, tell me. Communication is the most difficult thing for any guy that wants me.

Im still looking for my first boyfriend. That's how bad they both treated me. I don't know what its really like to have someone that cares for me, takes me out, gives me compliments about me, surprise me with a gift, just being a friend.

# 2  9/28/13 6:36 AM

Posts: 4
PrimalAxiom This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Man, 41
United States
South Beloit
Naughty newbie

It's hard not to be angry, and what's worse is knowing in the end that no matter what you say or do; none of it will matter to the object of your hurt, frustration, and anger (as justified as it might be). I would love to say that it's because he was young and naive, but sadly this type of stuff happens across all age groups and in both genders. some people are born parasites. By that I mean they are out to get theirs at the expense of everyone else, and frankly they aren't always easy to spot early on.

The important thing is not to lose faith in yourself,love, or in humanity in general. However in the game of love (and everybody wants it) it's easy to get lost in the euphoria, and then in the hurt if it fails. Don't get lost in either. I know. That's where I am at right now. I am trying to come to grips with  my wife of eight years walking out on me. I'm a good guy. Yes, I have  my flaws, but I did my best to treat her like a queen but she still left (for another guy on top of that) The second most important thing is to acknowledge the hurt and  the anger, and actually let yourself feel it ; to experience it. Grieving over a failed relationship is like grieving over the **** of loved one.It has the same stages. Some of which are: denial, anger, bartering, and finally acceptance. Some stages will be easier to deal with than others. Just let yourself grieve, else you will not heal and the next relationship will be ruined by fighting the ghosts of your past experiences and loves. Why? because they will be the standard to which you judge every future intimate relationship by. It's hard, but you have to because the next person isn't the same person you just broke up with. Also realize that you're not broke; just hurting. His problems are his alone, and you can't fix them no matter how hard you try (or may have tried). You have done far more than enough already.

As I said before everyone wants to be accepted for who they are at their core, appreciated for that, and to be adored by one individual who will make  them the center of their reality, and hopefully with a happily ever after. But here's the kicker: how much of you are you willing to sacrifice to get that "love of lifetime". The axiom that states "love will makes us do some crazy things" is absolutely true and for the very reasons I just stated- even to ignore the obvious warning signs.

Yes, Good guys do exist, just as good women do. They are out there. Sometimes you have to go through the rocks to get to the diamonds. What I mean by that is simply: With each relationship you learn a **** bit more of what you do want or need in a relationship and what you do not want or need in relationship. Even a marriage. Sun Tzu, a Chinese General had a very apt saying in the art of war "know not yourself and the Enemy you lose every battle that you fight. Know yourself and not the enemy and will lose one battle for every one that you will win. Know yourself and the enemy you need not fear the result of a hundred battles". It seems strange that I would use an axiom of Warfare to explain an approach to love, but when your heart and soul is the prize ( and your life for the most part), it is warfare. So to explain it simply In short Know who you are, know what you need, and stick by it. Just as importantly really know with whom your dealing with and what they bring to the table. Chemistry is powerful and often hard to ignore, but when your instinct tells you to walk away- listen.

Love isn't perfect. Why? You're taking two individuals with two distinct lives and forge ONE LIFE from that, no matter how long or how short that time together maybe. There will be ups and downs. You will disagree, even heatedly at times. Sometimes it'll be worth the fight. Others it will be more valuable to just walk away. Love grows and changes like all things. Sometimes you can adapt, others you can't...

Just try to remember there are no such things as mistakes in life... Just lessons we fail to learn from. Keep your head up and allow  yourself to heal. You're worth it.

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