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open marriage...

# 1  3/18/14 5:51 AM

Posts: 1214
kosgo This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Woman, 54
United States
Portland
Wicked charmer

actually this question could be asked to both sexes...Men who are married ...do you think that instead of having  an affair...when you felt restless...that if you asked your wife to have an open marriage...would that be a workable option?:

# 2  3/18/14 6:02 AM

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metallica This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Man, 53
United Kingdom
Ramsgate
Casanova

one can only ask........afteralllll

wots the worst that can happen...

# 3  3/18/14 6:28 PM

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6311xx This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
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United States
Saint Louis
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I think there are various reasons why guys cheat. Not saying any are right or wrong,  that's for the individual to deal with,  but I think that conversation might be dependent upon the reason behind the affair. Mostly we're just **** pigs, but not always.

# 4  3/18/14 10:57 PM

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Gavin This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
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Australia
Millers Point
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I think the issue is an open marriage is both partners agreeing to the other having a bit on the side. To ask this question of a partner who you may have discovered has got conservative moral values good luck. My circumstances is that my partner has an ongoing cancer illness and **** is not important to her and now cannot have it, and consequently as she says she can longer give me what I want so. This does not mean carte blanche and chase openly, I discovered after we had this discussions my needs at the time cooled down a bit and the important things came to the forefront of our lives. If I do have a bit on the side, discretion is the word as my wife does not want a reminder of what she can longer give. If that sounds like a cop out to some of the cynics out there so be it. Yes I have this understanding wonderful lady and we do have some fun, but it is becoming less frequent, but we talk chat and get on with life. Orf me box now!!

# 5  3/22/14 10:56 PM

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spkrmnky This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Man, 32
United States
Everett
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That would be a better choice.  Sneaking around and being dishonest is not healthy.  I know plenty of people that have open marriage/relationships and it works.  Also, if one of you is bisexual, it's a must.  Your partner will not be able to satisfy your needs.

# 6  3/23/14 2:41 AM

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kosgo This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Woman, 54
United States
Portland
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spkrmnky wrote:

That would be a better choice.  Sneaking around and being dishonest is not healthy.  I know plenty of people that have open marriage/relationships and it works.  Also, if one of you is bisexual, it's a must.  Your partner will not be able to satisfy your needs.

Sounds like a win/win situation...

# 7  3/23/14 3:42 AM

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JackDenials This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Man, 60
Australia
Yanchep
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Gavin I have the utmost respect for your hard earned wisdom.

# 8  3/29/14 8:27 AM

Posts: 68
timmyitis This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Man, 39
Australia
Leumeah
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I'd only be okay with an open relationship if I was actually getting some ;-p

# 9  4/5/14 12:20 AM

paulm This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Man, 54
United Kingdom
Birmingham
Naughty newbie

Good luck to Gavin who has exceptional circumstances, and who can live through that without a lot of courage. And there could be others, but generally really? What are you saying? I don't think there is any real respect in a relationship if that's what you want. Just my humble opinion xx

# 10  4/7/14 3:23 PM

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dilee This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Woman, 42
Australia
Bunbury
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I dont think i could deal with an open marriage. I'd probably be upset that I wasnt enough for him.

# 11  4/7/14 11:53 PM

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davebi48 This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Man, 53
United Kingdom
Thurrock
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Colleague at a former workplace was in a similar position to Gavin, her hubby was very ill and she had a similar arrangement. Discretion is a must in this case as Gavin has said. Respect fella For most though, while it may seem right the chances are your partner may flip out at the suggestion. Also it might seem ok but could you handle them having more success than you? Bit like **** doesn't work for everyone, might seem fun at first but if you aren't both on the same page one may get jealous of the other.

Guess if you know your partner well enough and they seems similarly inclined the suggestion might be well received, nothing ventured etc

# 12  4/8/14 6:13 PM

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DeliciousSugar This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
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Australia
Tweed Heads
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I'm with Dilee, I'd be upset too that I wasn't enough.
I can imagine it being a pretty difficult conversation to have, but the honesty and effort at communication would still be a positive thing to me. Then I'd have options also - put out more/pick up my game, consider an open marriage, or make the decision to move on. All three options would be preferable to being cheated on.

# 13  4/9/14 1:24 AM

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kosgo This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
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United States
Portland
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DeliciousSugar wrote:

I'm with Dilee, I'd be upset too that I wasn't enough.
I can imagine it being a pretty difficult conversation to have, but the honesty and effort at communication would still be a positive thing to me. Then I'd have options also - put out more/pick up my game, consider an open marriage, or make the decision to move on. All three options would be preferable to being cheated on.

I understand ****... this is where my story begins...would I have been open minded enough to  have concidered the option of a open marriage?...would it have saved my 14 year marriage?...it would have been hard to get past the thought that I wasn't enough......but the hurt and heartach of infidelity was hard to get past too...imy husband choose to go outside our marriage...if he wanted to experiment and try new things to spice up our relationship with me...and if he  had presented it in that way ...I might have agree to give it a try...if he would have made it about us working towards a common solution...instead of sneaking around and lying and just not handling it like a **** cheater ...maybe our marriage could have survived... and I think it rather ironic that now...and **** over a year from then...he.s my **** husband...he's lonely... he's miserable... he's sorry he didn't think his actions through...he misses me ...he hates me being a sensual ...desired ..open minded ...NAUGHTY woman...everything he didn't want to give me a chance to show him  that i could be...if he had just worked with me...or discussed his dissatisfactions with our marriage...and our **** life...it might have just saved our marriage...and now, it's just to late...the damage is done...the trust and commitment has been compromised...so, I guess the life lesson I'm walking away with is...communication is so important...at least try to find answers or explore options before you make that first step toward the world of infidelity...

# 14  4/9/14 1:33 AM

Posts: 5158
A-Woman This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Woman, 46
United States
Fort Lauderdale
Been Naughtiest

Personally I don’t think an open marriage would work for me.

I think it requires a ’special emotional detachment’ that I don’t believe I can have or  many women can live with.
Sharing, threesomes etc. under certain rules I believe there is more control of the situation, than in an open marriage.

K no point of asking yourself what if...present and future now girl

# 15  4/9/14 8:49 AM

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DeliciousSugar This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
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Kosgo I'm sorry that happened to you - the betrayal would be heartbreaking. You've maintained a great attitude towards men/**** though so good on you for that - you aren't a bitter cow like I am
I bet your **** would love to **** the new you, he'd be kicking himself!

# 16  4/9/14 8:55 AM

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DeliciousSugar This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
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A-Woman wrote:

Personally I don’t think an open marriage would work for me.

I think it requires a ’special emotional detachment’ that I don’t believe I can have or  many women can live with.
Sharing, threesomes etc. under certain rules I believe there is more control of the situation, than in an open marriage.

K no point of asking yourself what if...present and future now girl

I totally agree re the emotional detachment thing. I think men can separate love and **** more than women can - maybe they are just better at sharing than us?

# 17  4/9/14 6:48 PM

Posts: 41671
metallica This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Man, 53
United Kingdom
Ramsgate
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i'm suprized rubes hasnt posted

# 18  4/9/14 7:03 PM

Posts: 1781
chaosmaker This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Woman, 42
United Kingdom
Cardiff
Wicked charmer

I'm getting a bit worse at detaching **** from love as i'm getting older but i think any situation can be talked through and then you do have options!  No point dwelling on the past and 'what if'ing  never solves anything and can make you bitter.

Good luck to those who need to play outside marriage but it's better every time to be honest with yourself and the other person

# 19  4/12/14 12:44 AM

paulm This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Man, 54
United Kingdom
Birmingham
Naughty newbie

A-Woman wrote:

Personally I don’t think an open marriage would work for me.

I think it requires a ’special emotional detachment’ that I don’t believe I can have or  many women can live with.
Sharing, threesomes etc. under certain rules I believe there is more control of the situation, than in an open marriage.

K no point of asking yourself what if...present and future now girl

I agree. If you want an open marriage, do you actually want a marriage. A marriage is a commitment, an open marriage is no commitment. The two are incompatible ****

# 20  4/12/14 12:52 AM

paulm This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Man, 54
United Kingdom
Birmingham
Naughty newbie

kosgo wrote:

DeliciousSugar wrote:

I'm with Dilee, I'd be upset too that I wasn't enough.
I can imagine it being a pretty difficult conversation to have, but the honesty and effort at communication would still be a positive thing to me. Then I'd have options also - put out more/pick up my game, consider an open marriage, or make the decision to move on. All three options would be preferable to being cheated on.

I understand ****... this is where my story begins...would I have been open minded enough to  have concidered the option of a open marriage?...would it have saved my 14 year marriage?...it would have been hard to get past the thought that I wasn't enough......but the hurt and heartach of infidelity was hard to get past too...imy husband choose to go outside our marriage...if he wanted to experiment and try new things to spice up our relationship with me...and if he  had presented it in that way ...I might have agree to give it a try...if he would have made it about us working towards a common solution...instead of sneaking around and lying and just not handling it like a **** cheater ...maybe our marriage could have survived... and I think it rather ironic that now...and **** over a year from then...he.s my **** husband...he's lonely... he's miserable... he's sorry he didn't think his actions through...he misses me ...he hates me being a sensual ...desired ..open minded ...NAUGHTY woman...everything he didn't want to give me a chance to show him  that i could be...if he had just worked with me...or discussed his dissatisfactions with our marriage...and our **** life...it might have just saved our marriage...and now, it's just to late...the damage is done...the trust and commitment has been compromised...so, I guess the life lesson I'm walking away with is...communication is so important...at least try to find answers or explore options before you make that first step toward the world of infidelity...

Kosgo I think you have it the nail on the head with oommunication. Sometimes I think its hard for us to express what we want sexually in a relationship, but I don't think going outside is the answer. If there is true love and respect there has to be a way to work it out inside. You have shown yourself to be adaptable on here, so somehow he should have worked it thorough with you and that's why he's where he is now. Don't beat yourself up and good luck xx

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