Sign up or log in to view the hidden content

Really dont know what to think

# 41  12/27/12 9:12 AM

Posts: 12087
RitchieRich44 This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Man, 50
United Kingdom
Cambridge
**** expert

There's nothing to say he hasn't been honest, or that he's married, or that he's bed-hopping. Surely if he was just after another conquest he would have stayed in contact until after he had slept with the o/p.
I have no idea why it went wrong, but I try not to fill gaps in my knowledge with assumptions. Amand, the fact that he's ignored all of your attempts to contact him indicates to me that you should draw a line under this and move on. If he gets in contact with you in the future and offers an explanation you can accept then reappraise your feelings and see if you think it worth continuing, but in the meantime don't let him stop you in your search for what you want.

# 42  12/27/12 9:23 AM

Posts: 15150
hungry_blue_eyes This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Woman, 52
Australia
Redcliffe
Casanova

RitchieRich44 wrote:

There's nothing to say he hasn't been honest, or that he's married, or that he's bed-hopping. Surely if he was just after another conquest he would have stayed in contact until after he had slept with the o/p.
I have no idea why it went wrong, but I try not to fill gaps in my knowledge with assumptions. Amand, the fact that he's ignored all of your attempts to contact him indicates to me that you should draw a line under this and move on. If he gets in contact with you in the future and offers an explanation you can accept then reappraise your feelings and see if you think it worth continuing, but in the meantime don't let him stop you in your search for what you want.

Well said RR
I couldn't have said it better myself

# 43  12/28/12 12:31 AM

Ask her for a photo
This member doesn't have a photo, click to ask her to upload a photo
Posts: 38
amand77757 This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Woman, 48
United Kingdom
Wallasey
Naughty newbie

Neo too, thankyou, it'd be lovely to find someone nice. I will take the advice on board stirwitcare, thankyou. just for reference, I didnt meet him on this site. I guess its live and learn.

# 44  12/28/12 12:33 AM

Ask her for a photo
This member doesn't have a photo, click to ask her to upload a photo
Posts: 38
amand77757 This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Woman, 48
United Kingdom
Wallasey
Naughty newbie

Ritchie, I have since been looking  - not found anyone, but looked. Guess the search goes on.....

# 45  12/28/12 12:50 AM

Posts: 11001
bustymalone This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Woman, 55
United Kingdom
Dartford
Thoroughly indecent

I dunno, the times I have been myself,open and honest, giving the guy the benefit of the doubt, and still been let down, with no explanation.still confuses me why cant some people just tell the truth instead of building up ones hopes of meeting for a date, then just disappear,it can make the self esteem plummet and remember, if this guy did suffer with depression or was ill, it is not YOUR fault and you are entitled to feel hurt, if I stopped contacting someone, its MY fault, not theirs, I just have an underlying feeling that you are blaming yourself, if you are DONT! let go with love and try to move on,easier said than done I know, and I am the worlds worst for being taken in, but I don't want to change in any way because at the time I really believe it all, just in case its genuine  try not to get cynical ans appreciate that there are some smashing guys on here who are genuine, if my post was **** off the mark, just tell me to **** off

# 46  12/28/12 1:01 AM

Ask her for a photo
This member doesn't have a photo, click to ask her to upload a photo
Posts: 38
amand77757 This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Woman, 48
United Kingdom
Wallasey
Naughty newbie

No, theres an element of truth there busty malone, I did question myself and what I could possibly have done wrong quite a bit but decided that as I'd never know i had to try move on. Not easy finding somene I'm reallly attracted to but will carry on the search, thankyou

# 47  12/28/12 1:17 AM

Posts: 11001
bustymalone This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Woman, 55
United Kingdom
Dartford
Thoroughly indecent

amand77757 wrote:

No, theres an element of truth there busty malone, I did question myself and what I could possibly have done wrong quite a bit but decided that as I'd never know i had to try move on. Not easy finding somene I'm reallly attracted to but will carry on the search, thankyou

join the club lol

# 48  12/28/12 3:55 AM

Ask her for a photo
This member doesn't have a photo, click to ask her to upload a photo
Posts: 346
StirWIthCare This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Woman, 62
Australia
Gladstone
Such a tease

amand77757 wrote:

No, theres an element of truth there busty malone, I did question myself and what I could possibly have done wrong quite a bit but decided that as I'd never know i had to try move on. Not easy finding somene I'm reallly attracted to but will carry on the search, thankyou

I feel sometimes when we do go on with the search, we usually bring home those that are hard to return and cant get the deposit we invested in them back either.... I think people come into ones live more often when one is not expecting it, sometimes if we open our eyes it could be the very person who we deal with on a daily basis....

When one says they are looking or searching it always give me the feeling that one is out there with a character and image list of likes and dislikes.... (we all come in diffent packages) i suppose too some like the other to be finacially independant too, it they are not!!! they are crossed off the list.

I have a saying if one lowers their expectation, they will find themself being less disappointed.

after my divorce my **** said ' you need to get someone in your life no good to be on your own etc etc." my reply was how can i have anyone in my life if i have not learnt how to live with myself first"... I learnt it is OK to be on ones own... as for the **** he did NOT give himself that grace period to be on his own before committing himself to another relationship, he is not totally happy in it either... like i once said to him he may as well stayed with me at least then he would have had his big shed and tools still...lol ... he is a lovely man.

MAYBE just maybe if we just did not put pressure on onself about having to have another in ones life... one would soon learn too how great they are when on their own and so easy to live with too.

# 49  12/28/12 9:43 AM

Posts: 8129
zaenia This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Woman, 43
South Africa
Johannesburg
Right goer

StirWIthCare wrote:

amand77757 wrote:

No, theres an element of truth there busty malone, I did question myself and what I could possibly have done wrong quite a bit but decided that as I'd never know i had to try move on. Not easy finding somene I'm reallly attracted to but will carry on the search, thankyou

I feel sometimes when we do go on with the search, we usually bring home those that are hard to return and cant get the deposit we invested in them back either.... I think people come into ones live more often when one is not expecting it, sometimes if we open our eyes it could be the very person who we deal with on a daily basis....

When one says they are looking or searching it always give me the feeling that one is out there with a character and image list of likes and dislikes.... (we all come in diffent packages) i suppose too some like the other to be finacially independant too, it they are not!!! they are crossed off the list.

I have a saying if one lowers their expectation, they will find themself being less disappointed.

after my divorce my **** said ' you need to get someone in your life no good to be on your own etc etc." my reply was how can i have anyone in my life if i have not learnt how to live with myself first"... I learnt it is OK to be on ones own... as for the **** he did NOT give himself that grace period to be on his own before committing himself to another relationship, he is not totally happy in it either... like i once said to him he may as well stayed with me at least then he would have had his big shed and tools still...lol ... he is a lovely man.

MAYBE just maybe if we just did not put pressure on onself about having to have another in ones life... one would soon learn too how great they are when on their own and so easy to live with too.

Well said

# 50  12/28/12 10:01 AM

Posts: 41671
metallica16 This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Man, 53
United Kingdom
Ramsgate
Casanova

StirWIthCare wrote:

amand77757 wrote:

No, theres an element of truth there busty malone, I did question myself and what I could possibly have done wrong quite a bit but decided that as I'd never know i had to try move on. Not easy finding somene I'm reallly attracted to but will carry on the search, thankyou

I feel sometimes when we do go on with the search, we usually bring home those that are hard to return and cant get the deposit we invested in them back either.... I think people come into ones live more often when one is not expecting it, sometimes if we open our eyes it could be the very person who we deal with on a daily basis....

When one says they are looking or searching it always give me the feeling that one is out there with a character and image list of likes and dislikes.... (we all come in diffent packages) i suppose too some like the other to be finacially independant too, it they are not!!! they are crossed off the list.

I have a saying if one lowers their expectation, they will find themself being less disappointed.

after my divorce my **** said ' you need to get someone in your life no good to be on your own etc etc." my reply was how can i have anyone in my life if i have not learnt how to live with myself first"... I learnt it is OK to be on ones own... as for the **** he did NOT give himself that grace period to be on his own before committing himself to another relationship, he is not totally happy in it either... like i once said to him he may as well stayed with me at least then he would have had his big shed and tools still...lol ... he is a lovely man.

MAYBE just maybe if we just did not put pressure on onself about having to have another in ones life... one would soon learn too how great they are when on their own and so easy to live with too.

mmmmm....a big shed and tools....(starts dribbling like homer simpson)....now yer talking my language....and to the OP.....stop "LOOKING."....and you might be suprized wot turns up.........good luck...

# 51  12/30/12 10:48 PM

Ask her for a photo
This member doesn't have a photo, click to ask her to upload a photo
Posts: 38
amand77757 This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Woman, 48
United Kingdom
Wallasey
Naughty newbie

Thankyou all for your input. I do feel I've done the 'being ok on my own' bit now as have been alone over 2 and half years. Maybe my choice of words when trying to explain myself is poor, but its the best I can do. End of the day, I reckon he was a D*** so am better off without him, he had more than enough time to think and turn around but didnt. I wouldnt want the loser now anyways

# 52  12/30/12 11:53 PM

Ask her for a photo
This member doesn't have a photo, click to ask her to upload a photo
Posts: 346
StirWIthCare This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Woman, 62
Australia
Gladstone
Such a tease

amand77757 wrote:

Thankyou all for your input. I do feel I've done the 'being ok on my own' bit now as have been alone over 2 and half years. Maybe my choice of words when trying to explain myself is poor, but its the best I can do. End of the day, I reckon he was a D*** so am better off without him, he had more than enough time to think and turn around but didnt. I wouldnt want the loser now anyways

Only you know where you are in all of this, most who reply here are either sitting on the fence looking in or have been there too... replying with either assumptions or from ones life lessons, etc... and i am sure in each response back there is some wisdom to be found between the lines.

You explain your self well... i can only take it that you are needing company other than it being yourself... WHY not join clubs, stop thinking about having to have another in your life, start living it, do for yourself the things that make you happy... get out and emjoy yourself without the mind set of finding a cave man...

I honestly think when you stop with this mind set of needing a man in your life ... a gent will come your way and befriend you because there is no longer that desperation hovering around you.. that can be sensed by some males... in that too you will handle yoursel with more confidence and become more emotonally self relient too when you start paying more attention to your own self worth,.....

# 53  1/6/13 12:35 AM

Ask her for a photo
This member doesn't have a photo, click to ask her to upload a photo
Posts: 38
amand77757 This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Woman, 48
United Kingdom
Wallasey
Naughty newbie

Thankyou Stirwith care, what you say does make sense. I guess theres always part of me that wants male company but yes I take your point and see what you mean. Currently trying to do a few things for me as everything in my life revolves round my **** and elderly mum. I want to be a woman, not just a carer, and cleaner etc. I'll get there

# 54  1/6/13 1:47 AM

Ask her for a photo
This member doesn't have a photo, click to ask her to upload a photo
Posts: 346
StirWIthCare This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Woman, 62
Australia
Gladstone
Such a tease

amand77757 wrote:

Thankyou Stirwith care, what you say does make sense. I guess theres always part of me that wants male company but yes I take your point and see what you mean. Currently trying to do a few things for me as everything in my life revolves round my **** and elderly mum. I want to be a woman, not just a carer, and cleaner etc. I'll get there

Now that you have meantioned all that above... it makes it all that clearer to how you feel and where you are in your life.... If you are doing 24/7 for everyone else that leaves very **** of you to do for yourself.

where you say you want to be a woman, I feel it is not so much wanting a man in your life, but more of needing to feel that they will still feel attracted towards you, when you are deemed care **** cleaner etc.

Well start putting yourself first, get **** to help with chores, have someone nana-sit your **** (or sign her into BN lol) and if **** are **** get a babysitter for them, so that you can have "ME TIME" a nite out at the pub/bingo/dance hall/dinners etc with girlfriends-friends...so that you can revive the other 1/2 of who your are, to feel complete again... let your hair down, have fun, make new friends, make more options available to others and for yourself and be prepared for open non-commital casual dates first... then from there on, it is all up to you....

# 55  1/7/13 11:32 PM

Ask her for a photo
This member doesn't have a photo, click to ask her to upload a photo
Posts: 38
amand77757 This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Woman, 48
United Kingdom
Wallasey
Naughty newbie

Started small, but slowly getting couple of things planned for myself. Only coffeess etc with friends but its a start! Not too sure about casual dates - well could do the date bit but I cant do the **** bit, never have and find it all way too scary - not good on who I can trust, so will prob have to sit that bit out

# 56  1/7/13 11:46 PM

Posts: 1242
N_Owl This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Man, 47
United Kingdom
Altrincham
Wicked charmer

amand77757 wrote:

Started small, but slowly getting couple of things planned for myself. Only coffeess etc with friends but its a start! Not too sure about casual dates - well could do the date bit but I cant do the **** bit, never have and find it all way too scary - not good on who I can trust, so will prob have to sit that bit out

Small is the only way to start, as big just gets scary, or becomes too much and one ends up giving up again.

Owl

# 57  1/7/13 11:58 PM

Posts: 32591
DD_67 This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Woman, 47
Ireland
****
Love expert

amand77757 wrote:

Started small, but slowly getting couple of things planned for myself. Only coffeess etc with friends but its a start! Not too sure about casual dates - well could do the date bit but I cant do the **** bit, never have and find it all way too scary - not good on who I can trust, so will prob have to sit that bit out

When i was newly separated, i used to set myself challenges.  I had never gone to a cafe to eat alone before, so that was one.  I forced myself out to the pub alone a few times too.  Some of those were really hard to do, but one was very *ahem* productive so force yourself a **** bit.  It can be very good for the soul

# 58  1/8/13 12:04 AM

Ask her for a photo
This member doesn't have a photo, click to ask her to upload a photo
Posts: 38
amand77757 This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Woman, 48
United Kingdom
Wallasey
Naughty newbie

You right Owl, one step at a time I guess. DD you are also right , thanks

# 59  1/8/13 12:37 AM

Ask him for a photo
This member doesn't have a photo, click to ask him to upload a photo
Posts: 1155
Gavin009 This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Man, 84
Australia
Millers Point
Wicked charmer

Hey there Amand just do what you are comfortable with and it will come together for you, be a bit selfish, not too much mind otherwise opportunities will not come your way. Regards Gavin

# 60  1/8/13 4:46 AM

Ask her for a photo
This member doesn't have a photo, click to ask her to upload a photo
Posts: 346
StirWIthCare This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Woman, 62
Australia
Gladstone
Such a tease

amand77757 wrote:

Started small, but slowly getting couple of things planned for myself. Only coffeess etc with friends but its a start! Not too sure about casual dates - well could do the date bit but I cant do the **** bit, never have and find it all way too scary - not good on who I can trust, so will prob have to sit that bit out

What I meant by casual dates... are those that are non commital, non activity dates, where one pays their own way, so they are not obligated for a 2nd one, in other words to have a friend/companion to share time with, instead of sitting alone.
(The "few" coffee dates I have been on, I always buy my own coffee, my reason why, I want to be independant, drive myself there, so i can leave when I feel like it, not obligated to meet again, less he can complain about spending money on coffee and getting nothing in return... and i feel some men like this as he senses he is not being used or taken for granted and knows too that one is not an easy push over and has boundries. If compatable then each find reasons to bring down their 'guard".)

I agree for some it is scary to involve self in **** on the first nite, for others some are comfortable with themself and with who they are, so they feel un threatened with having **** for fun, at times it could just be to fill their own needs, without commitment to the other......

I think for some... it is not so mcuh being scared of the ****... it is more about "standard of morals" what would friends/parents think, how would the **** view it, would it turn to gossip, etc etc... so one watches their P+Q so to safe guard themself and try to avoid causing embarresment to those they care about.

I feel it is not always who one can trust, it also depends on if one can truly trust themself too...if one has great trust in own self, easier are the decision and choice makings.

We who share advice/experiences etc here on site... it does not mean we are either right or wrong... it only opens the windows to the bigger outside views and opinions, ... at the end of the day one either takes heed to some of the advice given or finds a solution themself (through trial and error) that works best for them.

You are going to be ok... as you are half way there knowing what you want and do not want... wish you well.

Board footer

18 U.S.C. 2257 Record-Keeping Requirements Compliance Statement
scamcheck

BeNaughty ranked #8 among all UK websites
in the Hitwise Lifestyle - Dating industry, based on
market share of visits in January - December 2011.