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man like beer morethen me

# 1  9/24/12 5:50 PM

Posts: 2
kerry15844 This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Woman, 35
United Kingdom
Sheffield
Naughty newbie

iv been with my partner for 4 years he as always like a drink but things got out of hand a few weeks ago and when he was drunk  he hit me i forgave him but now 4 weeks later he has left me he says he cant live with me cos he cant live with out drink i feel so used i mean its 1 thing tobe left for another women but he left me for drink and i just dont no where iwent wrong i cook clean and we had a great **** life but i just cant get my head round it but worse thing is he wont stop texting me my heads in bits

# 2  9/24/12 6:01 PM

Posts: 12087
RitchieRich44 This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Man, 50
United Kingdom
Cambridge
**** expert

kerry15844 wrote:

iv been with my partner for 4 years he as always like a drink but things got out of hand a few weeks ago and when he was drunk  he hit me i forgave him but now 4 weeks later he has left me he says he cant live with me cos he cant live with out drink i feel so used i mean its 1 thing tobe left for another women but he left me for drink and i just dont no where iwent wrong i cook clean and we had a great **** life but i just cant get my head round it but worse thing is he wont stop texting me my heads in bits

Sounds like a classic case of domestic **** by a selfish neanderthal to me. Notice how I'm apportioning blame here? HE's got a need to drink, HE has hit you, HE has left you and yet you ask where YOU went wrong.
Give him an ultimatum if you believe the relationship worth saving. Either you're the most important thing in his life or its over. If you talk to your network provider they may be able to block texts from his phone, which might send the message back to him that you mean business.

# 3  9/24/12 6:03 PM

Posts: 4147
smartyarse This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Man, 40
Ireland
Mullingar
Been Naughtiest

i like a drink too and if i turned voilent whilst drunk i would give it up without a second thought. if he can't do that i think you are better off without him!!

# 4  9/24/12 6:13 PM

Posts: 32591
DD_67 This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Woman, 47
Ireland
****
Love expert

RitchieRich44 wrote:

kerry15844 wrote:

iv been with my partner for 4 years he as always like a drink but things got out of hand a few weeks ago and when he was drunk  he hit me i forgave him but now 4 weeks later he has left me he says he cant live with me cos he cant live with out drink i feel so used i mean its 1 thing tobe left for another women but he left me for drink and i just dont no where iwent wrong i cook clean and we had a great **** life but i just cant get my head round it but worse thing is he wont stop texting me my heads in bits

Sounds like a classic case of domestic **** by a selfish neanderthal to me. Notice how I'm apportioning blame here? HE's got a need to drink, HE has hit you, HE has left you and yet you ask where YOU went wrong.
Give him an ultimatum if you believe the relationship worth saving. Either you're the most important thing in his life or its over. If you talk to your network provider they may be able to block texts from his phone, which might send the message back to him that you mean business.

Totally agree with Rich and Smarty.  You're well rid of him.  Forgiving him was your first mistake, and the only thing you have done wrong in this scenario.  Take him back again, and before you know it, it will be YOUR fault that he drinks, it will be YOUR fault that he gets angry, and it will be YOUR fault that he had to hit you.  It will NEVER be his fault (in his eyes) and as much as it hurts you now, it's nothing compared to how much he will hurt you over and over if you let him back into your life.  Maybe the kindest thing he could do is leave you.  Drink and **** tendencies just don't mix and if it happened once, it will happen again.

You're a very pretty woman, you deserve better and you will find better.

# 5  9/24/12 6:45 PM

Posts: 3893
lily1000 This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Woman, 47
United Kingdom
Littleover
THE CONNOISSEUR

Hi Kerry
It's great to see another woman using the forums

Rest assured it is not you that has done anything wrong in this relationship.  He may well love you but the facts show that he loves alcohol more, there were three of you in the relationship .. a variation on the eternal triangle.

He has chosen alcohol instead of you, it's hard to accept but you must try.  He has already shown you great disrespect by hitting you whilst in the clutches of his true love.  Take it as a warning and please, please move on and as far away from him as humanly possible.

This man is not worthy of your consideration let alone your love or loyalty.  I am not speaking from on top of a soap box, I am speaking from experience.  It is hard, I won't lie to you, but no way should you blame yourself for any failings in the relationship. 

Do yourself a favour and get involved in the forums on here and you will discover many, many women who have struggled through bad times and are now celebrating being strong, happy individuals

# 6  9/24/12 7:02 PM

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stroudguy This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Man, 42
United Kingdom
Gloucester
Naughty newbie

I'd hate to seem like I'm defending anyone who hits a woman, there can never be an excuse for that. But.... Alcolism is an illness. I wouldnt be at all surprised if, when he is sober, he is appauled by what he has done. Maybe that is partly behind him leaving. He may well still love you but fears hurting you again when under the influence. I'm not suggesting any of the other views are wrong and this is right. I am meerly offering another possible explanation.
Nobody should have to put up with what you have been subjected to. My only advice would be to be very careful about having contact with him until he is ready to admit he has a problem with drink and **** and is prepared to do something about it.
Best wishes

# 7  9/24/12 7:14 PM

Posts: 3893
lily1000 This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Woman, 47
United Kingdom
Littleover
THE CONNOISSEUR

stroudguy wrote:

I'd hate to seem like I'm defending anyone who hits a woman, there can never be an excuse for that. But.... Alcolism is an illness. I wouldnt be at all surprised if, when he is sober, he is appauled by what he has done. Maybe that is partly behind him leaving. He may well still love you but fears hurting you again when under the influence. I'm not suggesting any of the other views are wrong and this is right. I am meerly offering another possible explanation.
Nobody should have to put up with what you have been subjected to. My only advice would be to be very careful about having contact with him until he is ready to admit he has a problem with drink and **** and is prepared to do something about it.
Best wishes

I agree it is an illness, but unless he ASKS for help and acknowledges he does have a problem he is potentially fatally dangerous for Kerry to be around.  He has to accept he has a problem and get help to combat it before entering into any relationship, it isn't easy to overcome a dependence on alcohol however it can be done.

# 8  9/24/12 7:16 PM

Posts: 32591
DD_67 This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Woman, 47
Ireland
****
Love expert

stroudguy wrote:

I'd hate to seem like I'm defending anyone who hits a woman, there can never be an excuse for that. But.... Alcolism is an illness. I wouldnt be at all surprised if, when he is sober, he is appauled by what he has done. Maybe that is partly behind him leaving. He may well still love you but fears hurting you again when under the influence. I'm not suggesting any of the other views are wrong and this is right. I am meerly offering another possible explanation.
Nobody should have to put up with what you have been subjected to. My only advice would be to be very careful about having contact with him until he is ready to admit he has a problem with drink and **** and is prepared to do something about it.
Best wishes

Very valid points

# 9  9/24/12 7:21 PM

Posts: 23109
ambrosia69 This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Woman, 56
United Kingdom
Hereford
Dating expert

I agree with the others. There is no excuse for hitting a woman whether drinking or not. He has chosen alcohol for now. Maybe one day he will realise what he has lost but for now he will be wallowing in the drink. Until he realises he has to control that, then he has no life. He has to want to give it up, until that day nobody will be able to help him. Yes it is an illness, a self destructive one but ultimately it is one he can control.

# 10  9/24/12 7:22 PM

Posts: 12087
RitchieRich44 This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Man, 50
United Kingdom
Cambridge
**** expert

stroudguy wrote:

I'd hate to seem like I'm defending anyone who hits a woman, there can never be an excuse for that. But.... Alcolism is an illness. I wouldnt be at all surprised if, when he is sober, he is appauled by what he has done. Maybe that is partly behind him leaving. He may well still love you but fears hurting you again when under the influence. I'm not suggesting any of the other views are wrong and this is right. I am meerly offering another possible explanation.
Nobody should have to put up with what you have been subjected to. My only advice would be to be very careful about having contact with him until he is ready to admit he has a problem with drink and **** and is prepared to do something about it.
Best wishes

Alcoholism is an addiction, not an illness.
The point is, if he's distraught about hitting Kerry when he's drunk, he should sort out the addiction and not drink. Kerry has the right to expect better.

# 11  9/24/12 7:26 PM

Posts: 15299
Quatermass1960 This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Man, 44
United Kingdom
Torbay
Casanova

I know people who’ve been through the same.


Easier said than done I know but…

ditch the **** and move on before realisation sets in one day where you more than likely come to thinking you’ve wasted a huge chunk of your life.

# 12  9/24/12 7:38 PM

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stroudguy This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Man, 42
United Kingdom
Gloucester
Naughty newbie

RitchieRich44 wrote:

stroudguy wrote:

I'd hate to seem like I'm defending anyone who hits a woman, there can never be an excuse for that. But.... Alcolism is an illness. I wouldnt be at all surprised if, when he is sober, he is appauled by what he has done. Maybe that is partly behind him leaving. He may well still love you but fears hurting you again when under the influence. I'm not suggesting any of the other views are wrong and this is right. I am meerly offering another possible explanation.
Nobody should have to put up with what you have been subjected to. My only advice would be to be very careful about having contact with him until he is ready to admit he has a problem with drink and **** and is prepared to do something about it.
Best wishes

Alcoholism is an addiction, not an illness.
The point is, if he's distraught about hitting Kerry when he's drunk, he should sort out the addiction and not drink. Kerry has the right to expect better.

That is what I was saying. Think the point got lost there

# 13  9/24/12 7:53 PM

Posts: 8129
zaenia This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Woman, 43
South Africa
Johannesburg
Right goer

Quatermass1960 wrote:

I know people who’ve been through the same.


Easier said than done I know but…

ditch the **** and move on before realisation sets in one day where you more than likely come to thinking you’ve wasted a huge chunk of your life.

succinct and to the point....I wholeheartedly agree!

# 14  9/24/12 8:21 PM

Posts: 1242
N_Owl This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Man, 47
United Kingdom
Altrincham
Wicked charmer

Unfortunately there are two sides to this and both are being hurt, albeit in different ways.

I am afraid to say that though it my hurt Kerry, you are better off away from this man, because unless he accepts he needs help, and more importanly gets the help he needs, then he will not be able to get away from alcohol and therefore will probably continue to hurt you both emotionally and physically. However the first and foremost thing to remember, as everyone else has said, you have done nothing wrong and will be doing nothing wrong by stepping away.

As for this man, I actually feel very sorry for him as he has, for whatever reason, found himself on the slippery slope into alchohol abuse.  Which is one we are all at risk of, given the right set of cercumstances, even though they are different for each of us.

The problem is that a lot of people who abuse alcohol end up abusive (either verbally or physically) to those they care about, and yes on those rare occasions when sober they regret every second of it - unfortunatly that can also push them back to the bottle and everything that goes with it.

Now I said that this man needs to accept or realise that he has a problem, that is the easy bit compaired to actually getting help.  Most people frown on alcohol abuse, saying oh but they brought it on themselves.  Perhaps they did but if you look into treatment you will find that there is masses of treatment for heroin or other class A drugs, which really are self inflicted, but very **** for alcohol abuse which is a perfectly legal drug.  Oh and did I mention that it is one of the most addictive, once abused.  Without good genuine help there are few people who can escape its grip, and it is one seriously horrible way to go, as alcohol is a depressant it ends up self feeding.

Yes, for those wondering, I have seen what it does, how **** help there really is, and how nasty the end can be.  That is the reason why I would strongly advise Kerry to back away, no matter how hard it is to do, and let this man sort himself out. I appreciate that it may be tough, but somehow I think you may have found a wonderfully supportive community to help you.

Owl

# 15  9/24/12 8:47 PM

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Miss_Lovely1 This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Woman, 33
United Kingdom
Wakefield
Casanova

kerry15844 wrote:

iv been with my partner for 4 years he as always like a drink but things got out of hand a few weeks ago and when he was drunk  he hit me i forgave him but now 4 weeks later he has left me he says he cant live with me cos he cant live with out drink i feel so used i mean its 1 thing tobe left for another women but he left me for drink and i just dont no where iwent wrong i cook clean and we had a great **** life but i just cant get my head round it but worse thing is he wont stop texting me my heads in bits

I think he still loves you and I think chances are he has horrified and disgusted himself so much that he has hit you that he has removed himself from the situation so that he does not do it again.

If this was the one and only time he hit you then maybe there was something else other than the drink that caused it. Now you say he has always liked a drink has it got worse lately or has he always been an alcoholic?

It could be something has happened to make him change. I wouldnt quite wash your hands of him just yet he clearly still has feelings for you to be texting. tell him the only way back is for him to get help with the drink. if he does support him and when you can trust him let him back in. If the trust never returns don't let him back in.

Now if he has hit you before then wash your hands of him.

# 16  9/24/12 9:02 PM

Posts: 13701
ScotsBird This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Woman, 45
United Kingdom
Glasgow
Flirt expert

Oh Kerry, as hard as it is to believe now he has absolutely done the best thing by leaving you and to be fair to him he has realised this and maybe he left because he didn't want to hurt you any more.  I'm not excusing in any way what he did to you but at least he has removed himself from the situation and from the possibility of causing you any further physical pain. It would be worse if he stayed and you were living in fear any time he had a drink You haven't done anything wrong.  When drink becomes an addiction there is nothing that can be done until the person decides to do something about it.

I lived with a **** alcoholic for three years.  It was my first real relationship and I was 25 when I met him.  I bought a house and he moved in with me.  From the start it was a cycle of him going out and getting drunk, coming home and knocking seven shades out of me.  I had black eyes, broken ribs, cigarette burns and all manner of bumps and bruises during those three years.  I tried so many times to ask him to leave but I was terrified of what he would do to me if I did, even though it was my house.  He put my door in one night when I wouldn't let him in, he stole my car and he verbally abused my neighbours.  I lost all my friends and **** during that time because I was ashamed to be with them and for them to know what was happening.  What finally made up my mind to get rid of him was the realisation that one night he was going to come in and set about me and I would pick up the nearest thing and kill him with it.  I just couldn't take it any more and he wasn't worth me going to **** for.  I had to get the **** involved to get him out and he was so bloody twisted that he took a private rent in the building next to mine so that even then I wasn't rid of him.  He would walk by when he was drunk and rattle my doorbell just to frighten me, and it worked.  It finally ended when I moved house, far enough away that he couldn't bother me any more and only then did it end, five years after it started.  I'm not saying this for a sympathy vote - far from it - but to help you see that him going is the best thing that could have happened to you.  It won't seem like it now while your heart is hurting but in time you'll realise that he's done you the biggest kindness by leaving.  You deserve so much better - everyone in this situation does.  Get the problem sorted with the texts as soon as you can because as long as he's in your head you'll never be free of him.  My thoughts are with you

# 17  9/24/12 9:16 PM

Posts: 15299
Quatermass1960 This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Man, 44
United Kingdom
Torbay
Casanova

ScotsBird wrote:

Oh Kerry, as hard as it is to believe now he has absolutely done the best thing by leaving you and to be fair to him he has realised this and maybe he left because he didn't want to hurt you any more.  I'm not excusing in any way what he did to you but at least he has removed himself from the situation and from the possibility of causing you any further physical pain. It would be worse if he stayed and you were living in fear any time he had a drink You haven't done anything wrong.  When drink becomes an addiction there is nothing that can be done until the person decides to do something about it.

I lived with a **** alcoholic for three years.  It was my first real relationship and I was 25 when I met him.  I bought a house and he moved in with me.  From the start it was a cycle of him going out and getting drunk, coming home and knocking seven shades out of me.  I had black eyes, broken ribs, cigarette burns and all manner of bumps and bruises during those three years.  I tried so many times to ask him to leave but I was terrified of what he would do to me if I did, even though it was my house.  He put my door in one night when I wouldn't let him in, he stole my car and he verbally abused my neighbours.  I lost all my friends and **** during that time because I was ashamed to be with them and for them to know what was happening.  What finally made up my mind to get rid of him was the realisation that one night he was going to come in and set about me and I would pick up the nearest thing and kill him with it.  I just couldn't take it any more and he wasn't worth me going to **** for.  I had to get the **** involved to get him out and he was so bloody twisted that he took a private rent in the building next to mine so that even then I wasn't rid of him.  He would walk by when he was drunk and rattle my doorbell just to frighten me, and it worked.  It finally ended when I moved house, far enough away that he couldn't bother me any more and only then did it end, five years after it started.  I'm not saying this for a sympathy vote - far from it - but to help you see that him going is the best thing that could have happened to you.  It won't seem like it now while your heart is hurting but in time you'll realise that he's done you the biggest kindness by leaving.  You deserve so much better - everyone in this situation does.  Get the problem sorted with the texts as soon as you can because as long as he's in your head you'll never be free of him.  My thoughts are with you

a hug and a cuddle instead then.. ****

# 18  9/25/12 3:05 AM

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rodsrule This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Man, 54
Australia
Coopers Plains
Seduction guru

Give him the choice. you or the drink and unless he wants  to give drinking up there is nothing you will be able to do to stop him

# 19  9/25/12 6:46 AM

Posts: 59683
TalentedAngel This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Woman, 49
Australia
Adelaide
Casanova

kerry15844 wrote:

iv been with my partner for 4 years he as always like a drink but things got out of hand a few weeks ago and when he was drunk  he hit me i forgave him but now 4 weeks later he has left me he says he cant live with me cos he cant live with out drink i feel so used i mean its 1 thing tobe left for another women but he left me for drink and i just dont no where iwent wrong i cook clean and we had a great **** life but i just cant get my head round it but worse thing is he wont stop texting me my heads in bits

Sweetie, I was married to a creep that used to bash me and it was always my fault I'm not even going to say anything more only because it has all been said, forget him sweetie and start living your life again, your knight in shining armour is out there somewhere. Welcome to the forum, what a great place to start living and looking

# 20  9/25/12 7:25 PM

Posts: 2
kerry15844 This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Woman, 35
United Kingdom
Sheffield
Naughty newbie

hi every 1thank you for your kind words its really helped me iv now told him to leave me alone cos my **** and i dont need his crap he just not worth its hard but iv got my **** and thats all i need so thanks every 1

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