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What if your husband / wife did this

# 1  2/10/13 11:22 AM

ianj94542 This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Man, 48
United Kingdom
Milton Keynes
Naughty newbie

I've been in a sexless marriage so I fully understand why someone who's married is on this site but would you understand if you found out your husband / wife was having **** with other women / men?

# 2  2/10/13 6:58 PM

Posts: 8129
zaenia This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Woman, 43
South Africa
Johannesburg
Right goer

Each relationship has it's own dynamics, and unless you're actually a part of that dynamic you would never understand the choices people make.

That being said...I've never made it a secret that my husband has had many **** with a number of different females. Which probably accounts for us being emotionally seperated. I really couldn't be bothered if he was humping a playgirl model.

# 3  2/10/13 7:49 PM

Posts: 2172
Hotwife2 This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Woman, 46
Spain
Fuerteventura
Seduction guru

Zaenia wise woman ****

Each one of us have  a different story and deals with the cards  in the best possible way.

Personally I am going trough changes and feel I am at a turning point in my life . It's very interesting just to observe myself and realize that things that I accepted or facilitated in the past I am not ok anymore.

# 4  2/10/13 7:58 PM

Posts: 7468
MsAngel_wings This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Woman, 31
United Kingdom
Uxbridge
Needs a spanking

I would rather he told me then find out out he's sleeping with ****, y and z.  That way nothing needs to be complicated. If he doesnt tell me because he thinks the marriage will work out ... Guess he would be fooling himself. 

# 5  2/10/13 8:15 PM

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daboss_71 This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Man, 43
United Kingdom
Hayes
Such a tease

The dynamics of each relationship are complicated.  Speaking from experience, the sexless nature of the relationship naturally forces the other party to seek comfort elsewhere.  The bottom line is that unless you are a monk or a ****, you have certain chemicals flowing around the body that stimulate **** desire.  Unfortunately some people can't help but follow the desire and an affair is the result (or for those more graphically minded humping around.  Those chemicals can be a very powerful aphrodisiac which neither sexes can resist!

Although I didn't stray until after the break down, I have a number of friends that did.  And then couldn't break up the union, because of the financial situation or ****.  And are still living in a shame, I know a few couples where both the husband and wife are actively having affairs because the **** between them has dried up.

Personally if I were exclusive with a partner then I would want to know, and deal with it.  How would I deal with it?  To be honest I don't know!

Anyway ten cents worth!

# 6  2/10/13 9:44 PM

Posts: 138
sugar_princess This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Woman, 30
United Kingdom
Lancaster
Naughty newbie

Screw me once, shame on you; screw me twice, shame on me.

With that being said, if I were exclusive with someone and had a lot of time invested I might give them one more chance.

# 7  2/10/13 9:49 PM

Posts: 1242
N_Owl This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Man, 47
United Kingdom
Altrincham
Wicked charmer

I prefer to give people a second chance, however so far that has just resulted in me being screwed over - might be time for a rethink.

Owl

# 8  2/10/13 9:54 PM

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Dee1970 This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Couple (man and woman), 84
United Kingdom
Newcastle Upon Tyne
Casanova

ianj94542 wrote:

I've been in a sexless marriage so I fully understand why someone who's married is on this site but would you understand if you found out your husband / wife was having **** with other women / men?

I'd rather know than be lied to. A partner feeling the need to have **** with others I could cope with, but break trust and it may never be regained.

Dee

# 9  2/11/13 12:00 AM

Posts: 760
RedTexta This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Man, 38
Australia
Adelaide
Sweet talker

OK. So finding that she was **** would be hard. A deal breaker most likely, though very hard to picture the circumstances, so hard to predict the outcome. But what if she found me on a site like this? No intention of meeting but looking to play any other way.

# 10  2/11/13 12:07 AM

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Dee1970 This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Couple (man and woman), 84
United Kingdom
Newcastle Upon Tyne
Casanova

RedTexta wrote:

OK. So finding that she was **** would be hard. A deal breaker most likely, though very hard to picture the circumstances, so hard to predict the outcome. But what if she found me on a site like this? No intention of meeting but looking to play any other way.

I had a colleague in that very position. He pleaded insecurity about their relationship and she agreed to work through it. Even though he never met anyone she felt betrayed.  A couple of years later they started a new life together in Australia. Within a year she found he'd been chatting people up online again and she dumped him.

For her it was about the broken trust too.

# 11  2/11/13 12:40 AM

Posts: 3893
lily1000 This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Woman, 47
United Kingdom
Littleover
THE CONNOISSEUR

Dee1970 wrote:

RedTexta wrote:

OK. So finding that she was **** would be hard. A deal breaker most likely, though very hard to picture the circumstances, so hard to predict the outcome. But what if she found me on a site like this? No intention of meeting but looking to play any other way.

I had a colleague in that very position. He pleaded insecurity about their relationship and she agreed to work through it. Even though he never met anyone she felt betrayed.  A couple of years later they started a new life together in Australia. Within a year she found he'd been chatting people up online again and she dumped him.

For her it was about the broken trust too.

Trust is very hard to get back, and it can be lost over the smallest thing.  A relationship is based on honesty and trust, for different people that can mean different things but the important part is to be open and honest with your partner.  After speaking to a couple who have an open relationship but are totally committed to each other it was obvious that as long as they discussed and were open with their individual 'liaisons' then their relationship worked.  But if either of them were secretive about who they were talking to or having **** with then it would blow their relationship **** open.  It made me think about my own values

# 12  2/11/13 12:46 AM

Posts: 760
RedTexta This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Man, 38
Australia
Adelaide
Sweet talker

Dee1970 wrote:

RedTexta wrote:

OK. So finding that she was **** would be hard. A deal breaker most likely, though very hard to picture the circumstances, so hard to predict the outcome. But what if she found me on a site like this? No intention of meeting but looking to play any other way.

I had a colleague in that very position. He pleaded insecurity about their relationship and she agreed to work through it. Even though he never met anyone she felt betrayed.  A couple of years later they started a new life together in Australia. Within a year she found he'd been chatting people up online again and she dumped him.

For her it was about the broken trust too.

Ominous. Not surprising, but still something I'd chosen to ignor.
Now, for the first time, I feel like a bad person.

# 13  2/11/13 3:09 AM

Posts: 2172
Hotwife2 This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Woman, 46
Spain
Fuerteventura
Seduction guru

RedTexta wrote:

Dee1970 wrote:

RedTexta wrote:

OK. So finding that she was **** would be hard. A deal breaker most likely, though very hard to picture the circumstances, so hard to predict the outcome. But what if she found me on a site like this? No intention of meeting but looking to play any other way.

I had a colleague in that very position. He pleaded insecurity about their relationship and she agreed to work through it. Even though he never met anyone she felt betrayed.  A couple of years later they started a new life together in Australia. Within a year she found he'd been chatting people up online again and she dumped him.

For her it was about the broken trust too.

Ominous. Not surprising, but still something I'd chosen to ignor.
Now, for the first time, I feel like a bad person.

Don't . I have developed a survival mode that I believed it was for the sake of the ****. Who said there is one way to live? That there is only black and white?

I am not defending people that in purpose want to hurt, however if that relationship helps you keep sane, balanced  and you are careful not to hurt anybody and it does good to both of you. Enjoy it to the maximum.

The question I am asking myself today iis until when I will be able to continue like this

# 14  2/11/13 10:21 AM

Posts: 3220
sugs67 This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Woman, 40
United Kingdom
Millport
THE CONNOISSEUR

It really grates on my nerves how people make excuses of any kind for **** and lying to their partner. Own up to the fact that you are a cheat and a liar then let the person you are **** on have a choice whether to stay or leave.

Someone told me the other day that they had their lovers added to their facebook, shame on them! I just can't and wont understand the cruelty of it. How wrong is that? His wife and **** are on their . Rant over

Like sugar said, one chance is all he'd get and I would expect that in return!

# 15  2/15/13 2:12 AM

Posts: 760
RedTexta This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Man, 38
Australia
Adelaide
Sweet talker

It seems quite a few people here have come through some tough times, relationship wise, and that helps form opinions on rights and wrongs in behaviour.
Words like 'cope','survive' or 'traumatic' don't apply to my marriage, or life for that matter.
We are 100% perfect.............
What a silly thing to say. Of course I wish she was better organised (so I didn't have to be ) and if I was the argumentitive type, we'd have more regular barneys about how much lego the **** have, but we're as close as reasonable to perfect. So I'm not here compensating for anything, and I'm certainly not looking for a complete physical interaction (even a partial one). So why am I here and why does it need to be a secret? And I really does need to be, I just can't see a up side in sharing it. Should she be disgruntled if she ever found out?
To relate to the thread, what if she found out I did this?

# 16  2/15/13 3:03 AM

Posts: 59665
TalentedAngel This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Woman, 49
Australia
Adelaide
Casanova

ianj94542 wrote:

I've been in a sexless marriage so I fully understand why someone who's married is on this site but would you understand if you found out your husband / wife was having **** with other women / men?

He is a typical male and would love it as long as he was there as well

# 17  2/15/13 4:10 PM

Posts: 8129
zaenia This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Woman, 43
South Africa
Johannesburg
Right goer

RedTexta wrote:

It seems quite a few people here have come through some tough times, relationship wise, and that helps form opinions on rights and wrongs in behaviour.
Words like 'cope','survive' or 'traumatic' don't apply to my marriage, or life for that matter.
We are 100% perfect.............
What a silly thing to say. Of course I wish she was better organised (so I didn't have to be ) and if I was the argumentitive type, we'd have more regular barneys about how much lego the **** have, but we're as close as reasonable to perfect. So I'm not here compensating for anything, and I'm certainly not looking for a complete physical interaction (even a partial one). So why am I here and why does it need to be a secret? And I really does need to be, I just can't see a up side in sharing it. Should she be disgruntled if she ever found out?
To relate to the thread, what if she found out I did this?

Red.....you don't have to justify your reasons for being here and keeping it from your wife to anyone. Like I said...unless anyone has lived your life they have no right to judge your choices. Having an opinion about something is one thing .....judging people because they don't fit your perceived notions of right and wrong is the action  of a bigot.

# 18  2/15/13 10:04 PM

Posts: 8823
justm4956 This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Woman, 48
Ireland
Cork City
Right goer

lily1000 wrote:

Dee1970 wrote:

RedTexta wrote:

OK. So finding that she was **** would be hard. A deal breaker most likely, though very hard to picture the circumstances, so hard to predict the outcome. But what if she found me on a site like this? No intention of meeting but looking to play any other way.

I had a colleague in that very position. He pleaded insecurity about their relationship and she agreed to work through it. Even though he never met anyone she felt betrayed.  A couple of years later they started a new life together in Australia. Within a year she found he'd been chatting people up online again and she dumped him.

For her it was about the broken trust too.

Trust is very hard to get back, and it can be lost over the smallest thing.  A relationship is based on honesty and trust, for different people that can mean different things but the important part is to be open and honest with your partner.  After speaking to a couple who have an open relationship but are totally committed to each other it was obvious that as long as they discussed and were open with their individual 'liaisons' then their relationship worked.  But if either of them were secretive about who they were talking to or having **** with then it would blow their relationship **** open.  It made me think about my own values

My way of thinking too...

# 19  2/15/13 10:35 PM

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Dee1970 This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Couple (man and woman), 84
United Kingdom
Newcastle Upon Tyne
Casanova

zaenia wrote:

RedTexta wrote:

It seems quite a few people here have come through some tough times, relationship wise, and that helps form opinions on rights and wrongs in behaviour.
Words like 'cope','survive' or 'traumatic' don't apply to my marriage, or life for that matter.
We are 100% perfect.............
What a silly thing to say. Of course I wish she was better organised (so I didn't have to be ) and if I was the argumentitive type, we'd have more regular barneys about how much lego the **** have, but we're as close as reasonable to perfect. So I'm not here compensating for anything, and I'm certainly not looking for a complete physical interaction (even a partial one). So why am I here and why does it need to be a secret? And I really does need to be, I just can't see a up side in sharing it. Should she be disgruntled if she ever found out?
To relate to the thread, what if she found out I did this?

Red.....you don't have to justify your reasons for being here and keeping it from your wife to anyone. Like I said...unless anyone has lived your life they have no right to judge your choices. Having an opinion about something is one thing .....judging people because they don't fit your perceived notions of right and wrong is the action  of a bigot.

I can't agree with that. If you never judge others based on your notion of right and wrong then you're a jellyfish. It's what assumptions they make that makes a person a bigot, and whether they impose their opinion where it isn't invited or relevant. So while it might be inappropriate (on a site like this) to be disapproving on say an introduction thread, it's not bigoted to express those views on a thread like this.

Dee

# 20  2/16/13 7:38 PM

ianj94542 This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Man, 48
United Kingdom
Milton Keynes
Naughty newbie

When I started this thread it wasn't for me or anybody else to judge anyone for being on this site. It was purely to hear truthfully how other members felt on the subject.
This is the 'married but up for it' forum after all.

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