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Reality Sucks

# 1  3/26/14 12:56 AM

Posts: 2
popeye This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Man, 34
United States
St. Marys
Naughty newbie

I'm not really sure if I have a question or not, I think I may just be venting if anything...

  I just recently read a post with a very familiar ring to it, falling for someone who really doesn't want you. I find my self constantly thinking of a girl I got to know and had a "thing"(for lack of better term)with and now I find my self thinking of her every day, songs, actions, things I do. Not to mention I drive past her exit every day on the way to work.  We don't really keep in touch, maybe a snapchat here and there but that's about it.

   I think it's just screwed up, I fear i'm reaping the consequences of a past relation ship.  I was married 10 yrs and cheated on her twice.  Got married at 22 because she was **** and I thought that was the right thin to do.  Grown enough to make that decision, I was not! I do have two beautiful **** from her that I love with all my heart!  I failed as a husband, as her friend, as a man. I committed **** multiple times, what a sack I was.  Looking back at it, we weren't really meant for each other ultimately and I'm ok with that.

What sucks is I met this wonderful woman, tall brunette, she'd say things I was thinking, she likes everything I like and I didn't put that info out there for her to just "pretend" she liked it. She's the one I thought was the right woman.  Turns out probably not, not in the least, turns out I was just "that guy" instead of forever.  I'm almost 35 and not getting ****. I've never felt for someone like I have for her. Only girl that's ever made my heart race, literally, around her my pulse rises to 100bps along with thinking about her some days.  Id like to think it was/is more than infatuation, crush, lust (she was the best I've ever been with), I wish I could call it love but why? I mean reality is she wants nothing to do with me and has no feelings towards me in any way.  Why punish my self right? For some odd reason I just can't walk away from everything I think and feel towards her.  And I've been with a few woman, around the world even. For what ever reason though I don't have a clue why she has encumbered me as she has.

I let her linger in my mind, probably too much.  I guess my dream is that I'll open a gallery with my photos and paintings some day and shed stop by and look around and see one of her, my favorite memory of her and shed talk to the person at the counter about it and I'd walk in and we'd talk and end up falling in love or being out somewhere with my **** and running into her and my **** ask me is that her dad? She's more beautiful in real life! Then you know start over from there. But that's all fairytales and nonexistent romantic movie endings.  I really don't know what to think or do about this crazy crap in my head, mostly I just feel stupid letting my guard down and such.

   Reality is, is that I am not going to find it in her no matter what.  Who knows I just might be destined to be alone for the rest of my life or that there really is someone out there for me and God is prepping me for her as we speak. Of course right now I'd love for it to be her. It's not though. Reality just sucks because it's never what we want to see or hear or feel, reality is harsh and cold and relentless, unforgiving and grey.  Reality is you can't make some one fall in love with you, you can't make them feel what they don't understand, you can't make a fairy tale reality it just doesn't happen. 

If you read this please feel free to comment or criticize.  I'm not really sure if I'm asking anything about something or just rambling to try and feel better.

Reality Sucks

# 2  3/26/14 10:13 AM

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Posts: 522
FreeAndEasy This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Man, 53
Australia
West Hobart
Sweet talker

Ramble on man!  Helps to talk about it (never really gets easier but it does help).  I was with a woman a while back that I feel head over heals for, we were together a **** over a year (in which she told me how much she loved me as well), then she left to be with another guy without a "see ya later" or anything.  Just ignored me!

30 years later it still cuts a **** when I think back to then, which is why I say if you fall heavily, it never really gets easier, you just learn to live with it and get on with your life. Don't dwell on it.  The best way to get over a woman, is to get under a new one! (I heard or read that a while ago but it was from the woman's POV about getting over a man...)

You're just going to have to **** it up, and get on with your life.  You certainly won't find the next "the one" if you're still dwelling on her.

just my POV.....

# 3  3/26/14 10:00 PM

Posts: 35
darkmathis This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Man, 28
United States
Anderson
Naughty newbie

You pretty much hit it all on the head.  I had to deal with all of that recently when my wife decided our marriage was over.  You can't change their mind, you can't reason with them if they don't want to listen, and you can't make them understand your side of the argument without sounding like you're making excuses.

It took me awhile to realize that I hadn't done anything wrong. Nothing.  I had been loving and supportive in the relationship.  I want to say there are going to be other women out there, but sometimes there isn't.  My best friend hasn't been able to hold a steady relationship with anyone and he's been in 2 serious relationships that got to the "being engaged" stage.  Just hang in there, focus on the things you can control, and I hope you can find solace.  It took me a lot of therapy--I hope it isn't as difficult for you.

# 4  3/26/14 10:07 PM

Posts: 192
b_a_f This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Man, 34
United Kingdom
Twickenham
Naughty newbie

I've just been through a very similar situation to the poster above and am only just now getting my life back in order. It's cliche as **** but it does get better, just hang in there and do things that you enjoy and maybe couldn't before for whatever reason and realise that you have to do your utmost to enjoy life and smile and laugh at all the strange and wonderful stuff on this planet as we've only got one chance at it, so you might as well have fun

# 5  3/27/14 1:25 AM

Posts: 2
popeye This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Man, 34
United States
St. Marys
Naughty newbie

You all are right, I don't doubt there's another maybe more perfect woman out there for me.  Its just odd and funny the people God puts in our life and those that walk out.  Who knows the truth or destiny for any of us?  IT's all just weird in a lot of ways. I have no idea what tomorrow will bring, I just **** it up and do what I need too. Now if only this hot cop would date me lol!!! Damn I swear she's hot wearing that side arm and cuffs!!! 

    Thanks y'all I appreciate the vent session lol Y'all are cool in my book.  Cheers!

# 6  3/28/14 10:53 PM

Posts: 35
darkmathis This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Man, 28
United States
Anderson
Naughty newbie

It's all a process.  Talking to someone about it helps.  I know as men we're conditioned to just endure whatever happens into our laps, but psychologically, it's not healthy to do that.  I don't tell most people that I've actually had to call the national suicide prevention hotline because of what my **** put me through.  I put on this outward appearance of being okay.  I wasn't okay for awhile.  I was a mess.

So just keep plodding forward, but don't neglect your support system.  And if she's being a ****, just focus on what makes you happy.

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