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MENOPAUSE - advice for a MAN!

# 1  1/25/12 11:36 PM

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rober23405 This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Man, 55
United Kingdom
Marden
Naughty newbie

The reason I am on this site is because my wife seems to have been in menopause for 4-5yrs and still seems to be there! She is so difficult to live with, **** (in fact any intimacy at all from "hugs" up!) has been off teh cards for a long time and she just seems to ignore me **** - she is 50 this year but what makes it worse is she is so close to the **** - no problem with the relationship with them - all smiles & pleasentness - this just emphasise teh way she treats me! I have read up on menopause I understand (or at least try - men just don't have such hormone swings so cannot really understand) that she feels bad - but at what point do you call it a day? how much longer will this go on? I have tried to talk to her and suggest that she sees a doctor or some other professional (anyone really) to talk to and see if there is any help available but she just gets angry. She is always confrentational, literally every word to me is sarcastic, there is no attempt to just be "normal" with me. I feel like a ghost sometimes - if I didn't force the point and say good morning or hello I don't think I would ever be spoken to! Even though we live together and see each other every day I don't feel like I am in a relationship any more - I feel like I am standing in teh middle of a crowd but feel lonely... HELP, HELP, HELP - how long will this go on, what practical help is possible - any feedback from you ladies outthere would be helpful
Cheers
"Battered" Bob ****

# 2  1/25/12 11:53 PM

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BettyRizzo This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Woman, 49
United Kingdom
North End
Needs a spanking

rober23405 wrote:

The reason I am on this site is because my wife seems to have been in menopause for 4-5yrs and still seems to be there! She is so difficult to live with, **** (in fact any intimacy at all from "hugs" up!) has been off teh cards for a long time and she just seems to ignore me **** - she is 50 this year but what makes it worse is she is so close to the **** - no problem with the relationship with them - all smiles & pleasentness - this just emphasise teh way she treats me! I have read up on menopause I understand (or at least try - men just don't have such hormone swings so cannot really understand) that she feels bad - but at what point do you call it a day? how much longer will this go on? I have tried to talk to her and suggest that she sees a doctor or some other professional (anyone really) to talk to and see if there is any help available but she just gets angry. She is always confrentational, literally every word to me is sarcastic, there is no attempt to just be "normal" with me. I feel like a ghost sometimes - if I didn't force the point and say good morning or hello I don't think I would ever be spoken to! Even though we live together and see each other every day I don't feel like I am in a relationship any more - I feel like I am standing in teh middle of a crowd but feel lonely... HELP, HELP, HELP - how long will this go on, what practical help is possible - any feedback from you ladies outthere would be helpful
Cheers
"Battered" Bob ****

Bob..Hi!

The menapause is an increadible thing. I Was diagnosed at 30 suffering.. had a **** bit of hormone treatment including taking the pill and all sorted it's self.

Iwish in a strange way now it hadn't. I am 47, have regular periods, moods swings every 3/4 months .. would be better every month so the **** could cope with me.

I was told that if you started your periods early menapause would start sooner. I was 9 years and 1 day. I know that is an urban myth.

Different women suffer in different ways. Some have no problems at all. But there is help and we have a few medical people in the forums which I am sure will jump in and help in your difficult time.

Betty ****

# 3  1/26/12 5:03 PM

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rosewine This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Woman, 53
United Kingdom
Inverness
Casanova

It seems to affect everyone differnetly. Me, im **** all the time and cant get enough ****. its so bad he goes away to work for a fortnight every month.

# 4  1/26/12 5:23 PM

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aries51 This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Woman, 56
United Kingdom
****
Right goer

Maybe its not  the  Menopause   at all   .......  maybe its time for some plain speaking   ,does she still love you ,does she want the marriage to continue   .......  hopefully  you will get some honest answers    .Shes not going to want **** with you if she cant stand the sight of you     .  Good luck  ..........

# 5  1/28/12 10:39 AM

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rober23405 This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Man, 55
United Kingdom
Marden
Naughty newbie

Thanks so much for the replies so far... the one that stood out I supposed is the obvious one - she has fallen out of love with me! This is what I am really worried about - I have asked straight before now "do you want me to leave?" but she simply did not answer at all! Just clammed up. She seems to find it difficult to talk about here feelings or express emotions (other than anger!) verbally. I find it difficult for instance to remember when she has ever used "thankyou" or "sorry". She was an only **** of Irish parents living in England and her dad had brought his extended **** over with him, they didn't have much money when she was growing up so she had to share a bedroom with her Gran until 14!!! That could not have been good for a **** girl with no siblings to confid in. She has said to me before in a time of stress that she "has to work it out by herself - I have always had to work it out by myself"...
We have been together for 23yrs and if she has fallen out of love then why doesn't she leave? She is financially dependent on me and adores our 3 **** so perhaps she is trying to protect them by not splitting the **** up - but is that fair on me or the ****? I have heard before that **** of parents who have eventually split up wished it had happened sooner rather than later...
Trouble is I still love her - but I am pragmatic about this - love is not really love unless its mutual so perhaps I should be strong and just end it?
Then on the other side of the coin is his all just a medical situation/phase in life that needs to be traversed and there is hope it will all go away? If I ended it now the initial reaction would most definitly be anger as it would impact the **** and that is the most sensitive area for my wife, first and formost my wife is a **** and her perternal instincts would cut in regardless of what feelings she may be having. If I walked I would walk for good in her mind, the bridge would be not just be burnt it would be inceriated for the impact it would have on the ****. Yeah I am coward - but at the same time it would seem like such a waste for me. We did not meet at school or anything like that - we both had boy/girl friends before we got married, we both had seperate life experiences and fate had a MAJOR impact on us meeting in the first place, so many things could have stopped us from every seeing each other - a real "Sliding Doors" thing - but none of the potential barriers to us meeting happened, all the planets got into alignment together at the same moment when I happend to be listerning and she happend to be talking - it seems such a waste to through that away... sorry this will make you throw ... but its like "we were meant to be together..." - uggh! I know! I carn't beleive I just wrote that myself!

The other thing that has given me hope is 3 weeks last August. All of sudden, out of the blue, she said to me, and I quote verbatim: "I feel different, I feel "better""! For those 3 weeks it was great, we had **** 4 times and for the first time in god knows how long we fell asleep in each other's arms - I enjoyed the **** of course - but the one thing that I really remember from those 3 weeks was waking up cudlling each other...
Then as quickly as it had started it went back again - she had not had a period for some time up until then (6 months but suddenly had a major one and the "3 weeks" were over...

So that makes me think it could all be menopausal - so back to my original question - how long typically should this last? I know it will be different for every woman at roughly what stage would it move into the "unusal bracket"? Or can it sometimes become a "life style" and never go away in some cases!!!

No matter how much I love my wife I am just not designed to be celibate, things will stop working one day I know but I guess when your body tells you it 'aint going to happen your mind will start agreeing - but I am not there yet and it feels like a long way away at the moment. I don't really want **** for the sake of it - I want **** with my wife so when it is not there the whole concept of intimacy is not there. I try to smile every day and be pleasant, I let her anger flow over me rather than react most of the time, I try defusing confrentations as much as possible by being the one that compromises, but sometimes it just gets too much. I have bad days at work, bad days in life, debts to repay which are **** unrealistic and this negative stuff can come altogether sometimes and I say what I really think about a scaratic response or a tantrum being thrown at the time and things go balistic. This has been serious enough a couple of times over the last few years for me to have to apologise to the **** and I just don't want this bad karma to exist permanently - I need to do something, but I want to do the right thing for everyone sake...

# 6  1/28/12 10:47 AM

Posts: 9237
aries51 This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Woman, 56
United Kingdom
****
Right goer

Why should she   leave   ,its her home too   .......... you might be a good dad and a rotten husband  ?   Once the love has died   ,there is no way   to be physical again  , but thats from my point of view   ...........   ?   However  ,im a bit of an expert  on this scenario  so if you want  to   PM   me   or chat please do   

# 7  1/28/12 10:52 AM

Posts: 8823
justm4956 This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Woman, 48
Ireland
Cork City
Right goer

Hi Bob... looks like it is decision time..... and only you can make that......

Will you stay with your wife and **** who you love dearly....... and make the sacrifice of remaining celibate (which could be forever)....

I know of a couple, in very similar situtation to yours about 25yrs ago...... there is still no **** in their marriage but they are still together and happy....... I do know that the man in this relationship found it very difficult for a long time but eventually just resigned himself to the fact.... as he loved too much to leave just for "****". Thing is, they both talked about this and decisions were made.........

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