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Dating with illness

# 1  2/20/12 10:31 PM

Posts: 10
jjru91 This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Man, 23
United Kingdom
Lytham St Annes
Naughty newbie

Hey everybody!

This is a **** self-esteem problem from me. From a very young age I've been affected by auto-immune based illness starting with arthritis. It kicked me out of a social standing for quite some time as I missed some of the most important parts of school, namely around the ages of 10-15 when everybody starts developing properly. When I returned it was quite frightening, especially when I found myself with my first crush.

It isn't all doom and gloom. I'm a VERY high-spirited person, anybody I know could tell you this. My experience with girls isn't bad, I've made friends with lots and my best friend is actually a girl, and of course she's my number one stop for awkward questions that I wouldn't dream of asking others, but we're not, you know, interested in each other so it isn't awkward. I've had a few girls interested in me too, but I often had trouble identifying feelings, again, due to a lack of social contact at the important times. Things are different these days. I do have a great social life now and have a lot of very close friends, but my ability to go to big social gatherings is limited, and that means I don't tend to meet anybody new very often.

Anyway, before I started to blather on about my own illness, my main question is of course about dating with illness. I'm curious to hear if anybody else here has anything similar, don't feel the need to specify, I'm very open about my ailments after living with them from a young age, but I still know how it can hurt self-esteem with medication. I'm also willing to answer questions provided I'm comfortable with it, if not I'll let you know of course.

One of my main concerns is related to ****. Being arthritic at such a young age, I worry about the aches and pains overtaking before I can do anything notable, even though I do have quite an... extensive **** drive. And of course there is the constant fear of being re-hospitalized as well as a few others. Most of this is down to over-analysis but they are a blow to self-esteem. The real question I should ask myself is if it has actually affected my ability so far, which is a no when everything is settled.

# 2  2/20/12 11:24 PM

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Dee1970 This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Couple (man and woman), 84
United Kingdom
Newcastle Upon Tyne
Casanova

People in their 70s have active and fulfilling **** lives - even if they have arthritis, heart disease, you name it. So if they can do "it" so can you   A bit of gentle exercise may even help. I've got a bad back but **** usually helps, rather than makes it worse. If you find that aches and pains stop you from enjoying some positions you just have to try others (carefully)  

**** isn't all about acrobatics or throwing each other around. Sensual is verrry satisfying.

I don't go to big social gatherings because I don't like them!  And if I do I'm not good at mixing with strangers. I'm more likely to get together with someone that I'm going to see a few times, where I can get to know them before I make a hamfisted attempt at flirting. The last two people I got together with offline I met through courses I was doing. I read a statistic that the most common place for people to meet a partner is in education or work. Not doing either? Then volunteer somewhere you'll mix with the sort of people you'd like to meet.

Good luck, and welcome to the forum.  This is a good thread topic, I hope you entice a few people out of the woodwork with it.

Dee

# 3  2/20/12 11:29 PM

Posts: 10
jjru91 This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Man, 23
United Kingdom
Lytham St Annes
Naughty newbie

Dee1970 wrote:

People in their 70s have active and fulfilling **** lives - even if they have arthritis, heart disease, you name it. So if they can do "it" so can you   A bit of gentle exercise may even help. I've got a bad back but **** usually helps, rather than makes it worse. If you find that aches and pains stop you from enjoying some positions you just have to try others (carefully)  

**** isn't all about acrobatics or throwing each other around. Sensual is verrry satisfying.

I don't go to big social gatherings because I don't like them!  And if I do I'm not good at mixing with strangers. I'm more likely to get together with someone that I'm going to see a few times, where I can get to know them before I make a hamfisted attempt at flirting. The last two people I got together with offline I met through courses I was doing. I read a statistic that the most common place for people to meet a partner is in education or work. Not doing either? Then volunteer somewhere you'll mix with the sort of people you'd like to meet.

Good luck, and welcome to the forum.  This is a good thread topic, I hope you entice a few people out of the woodwork with it.

Dee

I'm totally the same with social gatherings. I'm not awkward per-se, but I tend to stay to myself and the people I know. That's why I chose to sign up here too I guess, it's a much nicer atmosphere to me and I have a lot less trouble typing out what I'm talking about as I get a lot more time to think about it! Even then, in a one-on-one situation I'm absolutely fine, but the heat and noise at parties can be horrific.

Sensual is what it's all about for me. Saying that, a bit of experimentation can be fun. I guess for me, I can make the most of the time when things settle down though haha. One of my friends always reminds me that love is love and never to worry about disappointing or anything. I suppose I should actually take that advice a bit better!

# 4  2/20/12 11:36 PM

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Dee1970 This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Couple (man and woman), 84
United Kingdom
Newcastle Upon Tyne
Casanova

jjru91 wrote:

Dee1970 wrote:

People in their 70s have active and fulfilling **** lives - even if they have arthritis, heart disease, you name it. So if they can do "it" so can you   A bit of gentle exercise may even help. I've got a bad back but **** usually helps, rather than makes it worse. If you find that aches and pains stop you from enjoying some positions you just have to try others (carefully)  

**** isn't all about acrobatics or throwing each other around. Sensual is verrry satisfying.

I don't go to big social gatherings because I don't like them!  And if I do I'm not good at mixing with strangers. I'm more likely to get together with someone that I'm going to see a few times, where I can get to know them before I make a hamfisted attempt at flirting. The last two people I got together with offline I met through courses I was doing. I read a statistic that the most common place for people to meet a partner is in education or work. Not doing either? Then volunteer somewhere you'll mix with the sort of people you'd like to meet.

Good luck, and welcome to the forum.  This is a good thread topic, I hope you entice a few people out of the woodwork with it.

Dee

I'm totally the same with social gatherings. I'm not awkward per-se, but I tend to stay to myself and the people I know. That's why I chose to sign up here too I guess, it's a much nicer atmosphere to me and I have a lot less trouble typing out what I'm talking about as I get a lot more time to think about it! Even then, in a one-on-one situation I'm absolutely fine, but the heat and noise at parties can be horrific.

Sensual is what it's all about for me. Saying that, a bit of experimentation can be fun. I guess for me, I can make the most of the time when things settle down though haha. One of my friends always reminds me that love is love and never to worry about disappointing or anything. I suppose I should actually take that advice a bit better!

That's sound advice. I'd say it applies to freinds with benefits too, seeing as this site is more geared to that  

I certainly find it easier to make initial contact via text, and to move it on more quickly to flirting.  Some people are nervous about meeting people in the flesh after talking, but I mostly find that if I keep an open mind and don't expect anything it's not too bad.

Dee

# 5  2/27/12 7:28 PM

Posts: 10
jjru91 This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Man, 23
United Kingdom
Lytham St Annes
Naughty newbie

I'm quite disappointed that this hasn't drawn more attention! I've got to admit, the nerves of meeting somebody new are always quite drastic, but it's always nerves driven by excitement and/or curiosity.

I actually went down to a party quite recently donning a top hat and suit and ended up drawing quite a lot of compliments, just didn't want to initiate anything due to having to get up early the next day. It was quite refreshing and a boost to be able to. I actually started a medication called Humira recently and I swear it has increased my **** drive a bit. Either way, it's helping me in every other way!

# 6  2/27/12 7:52 PM

Posts: 621
disorderly This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Man, 34
United Kingdom
Leeds
Sweet talker

Hey jjru, welcome to the forums

You actually sound like a very confident kinda guy, though it may get drowned at certain times (unfortunately maybe the wrong times.)  I get that this is a bit more of an anonymous medium than a social gathering, and you have time to think about what you write, but still - if you can rock up to a party in a top hat with all the trimmings you're at least off to a good start.

I've often had similar issues, not due to the same reasons but up until about 14 I avoided most social contact through choice. Just meant it took me a bit longer to develop my social skills. At 21 I was still an awkward numpty git if a girl approached me, but through uni and my 20's my confidence got some practice and it all got better.

To me it sounds like you're doing well, and yeah listen to your mates advice - also don't fear rejection, the worst that can happen is she'll say no, and you'll move on to the next, either then, another day, or whenever. It can seem embarrassing at the time, but the truth is it happens to everyone and is nothing to be embarrassed about, and often makes a damn funny story. Plus - if you do feel embarrassed, address it then and there by making a joke about it with her - you might even find you can change her mind making her laugh

As far as your illness is concerned - like Dee said, many people (older or not) enjoy active and great **** lives with arthritis amongst other physical disabilities.  So, while I can't speak from experience, maybe just take it easy in bed until you discover what you can do (which I bet will be more than you believe). You said you like sensual - so push that side of you, the right girl will love it. Also, being able to address it like this, and the way you speak about it, is already a huge step in the direction of being **** fine with it in any situation.

Don't worry mate, if you're anything like me there's lots to look forward to

# 7  2/27/12 8:40 PM

Posts: 10
jjru91 This member uses the Web version of BeNaughty
Man, 23
United Kingdom
Lytham St Annes
Naughty newbie

Hey disorderly, yeah I'm pretty much the over-open type at times. It can be quite amusing as I show a much shyer side around girls I'm interested in and they tease me about shying and going red in the face saying certain things, yet I can speak like this on a forum or with friends. It's nice to see such a friendly community here too!

It's a big self-esteem hit having a **** array of illnesses at this age. It has been ever since high school really. The past year have shown me more than anything though in terms of being self-confident. It's much better to just be open about everything at times then keep it to yourself though. But when it comes to illness, especially permanent ones, the thoughts and worries constantly claw at the back of your head.

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