****veryone remembers their first taste of love and are sheepishly drunk with it. Those eyes you could look into forever and a voice you would want to hear till the end of time. But all of a sudden, you feel life slipping away when things are not going as you thing they should be. The Sands of Time start running through the fingers and you are unable to hold on. There are certain individuals and certain events that impact and leave a mark on us. Some feel warm and blessed, while others hit us like bullets to the heart. When love dies, you feel the world shutting down on you.
On the field of desolation, we all are alone. I stand here in isolation, lost in the labyrinth of my memories, frozen at the moment when u started to walk away. In the blink of an eye, memories flash before me, all the thunderstorms and rainfalls we’ve been through, all the fears past, all the dreams and laughs, with it all hopes and also all the pain, all the broken hearts, all the tears, all in vain. The emotional intimacy is something you can't immediately replace.
In times of grief and sadness, we seek for a place of safety, we seek for a place to hide. I was lost there, no direction, just a scattered void. I try to put up a brave face, I smile but behind the smile I feel nothing. I reach out to touch but I am not really there. I started to hate my empty existence. The body is weak, the soul is helpless, the person destroyed everything and left nothing but an empty shell. The demons in the mind whisper," REVENGE..!".
I am forced to creep down the path of my sad and senseless life, surrounded by this sudden utter darkness. There is no light at the end of the tunnel, I feel nothingness. Who am I ?? Is this the price I have to **** for loving someone much more than others, I feel like screaming out my anger but would anyone out there hear me?! In the darkness, I could feel SATAN watching every step that I take ,waiting to see me - struggle and fall. That's the moment when I started to run away. The most ironic thing was that not only was I running away from the problem, I was running in circles.
I wish I could be in control of my emotions, just shut them off with a flip of a switch, not allowing anything in. I can’t. Neither can we process feelings mechanically nor surgically remove the bad parts from our memories, but if that would have been the case, it would have been a lot of help. I realize that I can't kill you, you live inside me, you are a part of my existence.
I knew I had to leave the anguish behind. My mind was screaming," Get past your past, moon glow and puppy love.. not real, not lasting... Set me free from these chains to which I am bound, let me out of here." The Scars take time to heal but I will be fine. I knew the time would come when the chains of guilt are in the past and they no longer have a hold on me. Time marches on..
Now, I thank you for forcing me to be stronger. And even though you broke my heart, you taught me many important life lessons. People are with you only when they need u, not otherwise. Don't get attached too quickly, people almost always leave. It isn't in going back. It isn't in reaching for things that keep you holding on to the person that is now gone from your life. It is changing your perspective to things that help you move forward.
If life just beats you down and you become a victim then healing and moving forward will become stunted. Life gives us multiple opportunities to learn and grow. If you don't get it right the first time, life will give you another opportunity to learn it again so that eventually you never have to be in the exact same place. Life is not cruel when it does not wait, life always goes on, whether we are in the mood to join it or not. Just because you've been hurt doesn't mean you need to build walls around yourselves. Maybe you should be more "pickier" about just who and how quickly we let through our doors.
I guess there are no guarantees in love and everyone should enter into relationships with that understanding.. Real LOVE exists but it is true that in order to find the right person, you need to be the right person (I have no idea where I heard this quote, but it's so true).